Pain has never been so brilliant

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 22:05:10 GMT

~~i had sex with someone last night and it wasn't my boyfriend.~~

i got completely trashed and my dad held my hair while i puked.

i watched my friend get in a fight with some random fat chick.

i flirted with guys twice my age.

i told someone the reason behind my scars and didnt cry.

that makes one hell of a weekend.

Thu, 04 Jun 2009 21:15:39 GMT

Sometimes i really want to kill myself. Sometimes I take one to many pills and pass out. I don't necessarily want to die, I just don't want to deal with the world anymore. I force myself to get up and do things with my life because i do want to be successful but i feel like im tearing apart at the seams. like one day im really going to collapse and never get up again. but maybe that's what i always wanted. a never ending sleep.

Wed, 03 Jun 2009 20:52:54 GMT

FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT

Sun, 31 May 2009 21:39:50 GMT

"In my struggle to be human, I feel more and more deformed."

Sun, 24 May 2009 17:30:47 GMT

Today i've had.

3 pieces of gum : >15 cals
potato chips : 150 cals
egg+cheese sandwich : 325 cals

total : 490 calories

downside : since its the weekend my dad cooks dinner. so i had to eat . i had two small scoops white rice, small scoop of beans, and 3 plaintains.

i dont think it was that bad and now im chewing on another piece of gum and drinking diet coke to kill the new cravings i have.
fuck food !

tomorow i have to march in the parade, and there's a bbq after. im only going to stay until they start serving the food that when im going to GTFO lol.

anyway i'll prob go on the treadmill after i digest a little so that i can at least burn off some of what i ate earlier today :[

Thu, 21 May 2009 01:25:20 GMT

After all this has passed, i still will remain
After i've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today,
Someday i'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

i need to lose weight D:

Mon, 27 Apr 2009 21:40:31 GMT

im going on a five day fast. my scale is fucked up so im not even bothering with stats.
what im doing is using a pair of size 1 skinny jeans that i bought last year and never wore them.
they still have the tags on them but there way to small.
ive decided that my goal is to be small enough to fit in to them.

today is day one of the fast since i fucked up yesterday.
im doing good so far but i know the hardest is the third day.

Sun, 26 Apr 2009 14:51:39 GMT

fasting today from 11am to 11am tommorow.

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 21:52:11 GMT

Girl Confessions

[] I'm straight.
[] I'm gay.
[x] I'm bi.
[] I'm easy.
[x] I wear make up.
[x] When I walk by mirrors, I can't help but look
[] When I walk by mirrors, I like what I see
[x]When I walk by mirrors, I hate what I see.
[] I wear a bra to bed.
[] Ocassionally I sleep naked.
[x] I wear toe nail polish.
[] I have cried at a movie theater.
[x] I'm not gonna stop talking to someone just because my boyfriend doesnt like him
[x] I've purposely talked to a guy my boyfriend didn't like.
[] I love chocolate covered pretzels.
[] Getting a flower makes me smile, especially for no reason.
[] I've wrecked a car.
[] I can't put mascara/eyeliner on without opening my mouth.
[x] I'd do anything for that special guy.
[x] I get jealous easily.
[x] I love cuddling.
[x] I think Johnny Depp is sexy.
[x] I've gotten a detention.
[x] I've gotten suspended.
[] I've gotten expelled.
[x] I love to laugh.
[] I carry a purse everywhere.
[] I carry a bag everywhere.
[] I'd be lost without my cell phone.
[] I'd be lost without my mp3/CD player.
[] I did own a Spice Girls CD.
[] I own/did own a Britney Spears CD.
[x] I own/did own a boy band CD.
[] Football isn't boring.
[] I love athletic boys
[] I love country boys .
[x] I love skater guys.
[x] I love punk guys.
[] I love gangsta guys.
[] I love emo guys.
[] I love gothic guys.
[x] I love nerds.
[x] I love guys that are just themselves.
[x] I love guys with longish hair.
[x] I love guys with mohawks.
[x] Guys are confusing.
[x] I've been called a tease.
[x] I've been called a slut.
[x] I've been called a bad influence.
[x] Lip gloss is better than lipstick.
[] I can't leave the house without makeup.
[x] I can play video games, even when there are other people around.
[] My friends are the best, and they're important to me.
[] I would do anything for my friends.
[x] I want to be with a certain someone right now.
[] I smoke way too much.
[x] I drink way too much.
[] I have a tattoo.
[x] I have (a) piercing

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 21:09:08 GMT

got fat again.

ive decided that im going to give myself 28 days.
28 days to lose weight and gain muscle.

day 1 = 118 lbs
day 2 = 117.5 lbs
* treadmill = 28mins
* crunches = 150
* push ups = 5 mins

Mon, 20 Apr 2009 22:25:24 GMT

help

Tue, 07 Apr 2009 20:28:38 GMT

my scale is plotting against me.

it said i was 111 lbs this morning which cant be possible cuz im not that skinny -____-;;
but whatever .

~~120 119 118 117 116 115 114 113 112~~ 111 <--apparently this is my current weight

Sat, 04 Apr 2009 05:24:25 GMT

JESS I KNO UR READING THIS DONT TRY AND DENY IT

O__o

haha thats psycho

Fri, 03 Apr 2009 21:59:19 GMT

120
119
118
117.5
117
116
~~115~~
~~114~~
113
112

fuckmylife

Fri, 27 Mar 2009 20:58:20 GMT

ate around 550-600 calories today
im dropping the weight relatively quickly =]
my guidance counselor is cute :3
but thats off the subject.
i'm glad that ive been able to get back on track <3

120
119
118
117.5
117
116

----------------
Listening to: Katy Perry - Thinking of You
via FoxyTunes

Fri, 27 Mar 2009 00:07:14 GMT

i've decided to make a thinspo video >_>
i'll post it here when it's all done.

todays intake = 730 calories
so thats 430 less then yesterday.

my goal for tommorow is below 550 calories.

i lost .5 pounds since yesterday .. good i suppose bettter then nothing!

120
119
~~118.5~~
118

----------------
Listening to: Chiodos - The Word 'Best Friend' Become Redefined
via FoxyTunes

Thu, 26 Mar 2009 02:41:42 GMT

i broke out the fucking red bracelet again today.
my current weight is 119-120 pounds, disgusting.
my new goal weight is 116.
then 113 . 110 . 106<33333

106 is the lowest i ever was. i wanna be like that again =D

calorie intake = 1200
...

300 sit ups + training at the fire station

cw - 119-120
gw1 - 116